Even when you've perfected control, when you own it, when it's so habitual you don't even need to think about it... others can take it away from you. The hard part is it's usually the people you love.
Today was just... one of those days where you eat to please someone. Crap. Wasn't too bad I guess, but of course it wasn't fun. I know I have to SEEM normal about food, or else I won't be able to do this in the long run- they will get too suspicious. We don't want that, do we?
BUT I WAS NOT HUNGRY ALL DAY LONG. I WAS DOING WELL. This conflict between family and skinny breaks my heart. I couldn't throw up because they've caught on to that before, thanks to my intrusive brother. So I've just taken a few laxatives and probably one more in the morning. Bleh. Now I have to build up the strength all over again.
family vs skinny is really hard. when i was liquid fasting i would go out driving to avoid meals and pretend i was having dinner with friends. i found it so hard because i missed seeing my family - meal time is family time and it's when we're all together and chatting etc. but i guess we have to make the choice!
ReplyDeletestay strong xx